I don't really know what I'm writing here.. I guess I need to get some thoughts and feelings out and this post might not make a lot of sense (I apologise for that), but hopefully this will make me feel better afterwards.
I'm having doubts about me modelling in the sims community. For several reasons.
I've been modelling for around a year and a half now, but I don't see a lot of improvement from when I first started modelling. My pictures still look kinda crap compared to other people's I see. There's people who joined only a couple of months ago and are far more incredible editors than I could ever be. The improvements they have made astound me, and honestly put me to shame. I look at them, and it gets me so down, because I have had much time to improve, yet I haven't seen myself progress much at all.
I feel like I'm not worthy to be modelling. That sounds dramatic I know, but it's what I'm truly thinking. I don't deserve to be there, because I will never be an amazing modeller or editor like so many I see. Someone may be in the same comp as me, and I enter a picture that I think looks pretty good, until I see their one and it blows mine out of the water. I guess it makes me feel a bit depressed.
I mean, even my favourite picture I've ever done got 10th out of 12th in a competition. That just puts into perspective my entire modelling career.
The only time I won a modelling comp was when the person I was competing against disappeared, and so I won by default. And the time I was a finalist in Nature's Finest? Heh, I was only there because someone dropped every round.
Some people are insanely good at in-game pictures. Some people are stunning editors.
But me? I'm neither. I mean, my in-games are not that good at all. My graphics card is terrible, and just makes my pictures 1000x times worse. And I can't really edit. Yeah sure I can cut and paste a sim on a background. But I can't skin-shade, draw makeup, clothing or hair. I can't make a sim look like they're somewhere they are not. I can't produce gorgeous lighting effects or dazzling pictures.
I'm just there. Trying so hard to be good, when I know I'll never be.
This has been chipping away at me for a little while now. Everytime I enter a picture more doubt creeps into my mind. And now I just feel.. I just feel like complete crap.
I don't mean to be depressing you guys, but I just need to get this out, to someone who understands what I'm talking about.
I want to give up. I just feel like I need to leave the community, even just for a little bit.
But I can't. I feel like I need to prove myself to people.
I'll probably feel like a complete and utter idiot tomorrow for posting this. Please don't feel obliged to comment, because that's not why I wrote this. You can if you want, of course, but that's not my main motivation for writing this. I'm not fishing for compliments either, because I HATE when people do that. I just needed to get this out. That's all.